My room smells like vodka and shame
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
