I will die if light touches me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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