If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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