$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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