it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
