I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
