I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
