I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
