yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
