Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
