It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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