Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
where are you?
Hypothermia
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
