It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
