I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
