its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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