dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
