I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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