if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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