where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
