I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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