i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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