How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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