Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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