I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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