you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
