thus making me awesome and them whores
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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