Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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