so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
