The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
