Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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