Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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