I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
