i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
