The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
