sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
