I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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