This is not my ceiling
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
