Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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