Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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