I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
