he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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