either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Congratulations! We have a period
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
