Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
