Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
