Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
