I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
