these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
