I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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