i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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