I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
