I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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