if you like me you must not know who I am
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
